These are the top 8 single life rules you should implement in your single life, to help you improve and enhance its value and quality.
One of the biggest single life lessons I’ve learned, and one of the first and most important ones you need to start implementing in your single life… Is that you need to protect yourself and your life, as well as the borders you create. If you haven’t yet, this is the time to start setting and building your borders and boundaries. Placing a guard at the entrance of your life to make sure you don’t let just anyone in. And to make sure no one crosses your red lines that you’re not willing to compromise on. This guard should be in the shape and form of single life rules… That anyone who wants entry into your life (or to remain in it) has to follow, and no one gets special treatment or leniency. Because people who deserve special treatment won’t make you compromise or cross your red lines for them.
These rules aren’t selfish, they’re self preservation. In fact, they’re the best way you can also help others. Not only are you stronger for them this way, you also have more energy, time and ability to help. Because you’re no longer wasting it all away on toxic people who don’t deserve it.
These are a few of the rules I implement in my single life. Which I encourage you to use as well, or to at least inspire you with creating your own:
Don’t let anyone half love you or half-ass a relationship with you
When we don’t love or value ourselves enough, we tend to accept any type of love and affection from others that we can get. We settle for less than we deserve… Because we either don’t believe deserve better, or are too blinded to recognise it for what it is. While learning how to love yourself properly is key for avoiding this… It’s also important to implement it as a single life rule.
Wherever you are in your journey of self love and embracing yourself… You need to stop being so lenient with the type of love you accept. If someone doesn’t love you properly, and only gives you some breadcrumbs, if even, then they’re not worthy of you. No matter who they are or how adorable and charming… If they half love you, or half ass your relationship with you…They should NOT be granted entry into your life and certainly not your heart.
Don’t let disruptive people come in and out of your life, only when it’s convenient for them
It’s only natural for people to come and go from your life. Some people aren’t meant to be in it forever. And it’s also very hard to keep in touch with every single person you meet… Sometimes growing apart is part of life and that’s okay. But if someone in your life keeps coming and going on their own terms with no regards to how it makes you feel, then that’s a problem.
These are toxic, disruptive people who will appear the minute they need something from you, wreck havoc (or even just make a mess), then disappear without a trace. Without a care in the world and certainly without giving a second thought to how they may hurt you. People who want to be in your life, and who truly care about you, will be in your life. They’ll be permanent, and won’t only be there when it’s good for them. And they certainly won’t carelessly force their chaos and destruction on you and your life.
Don’t let anyone keep you on the back-burner
A person who is keeping you on the back-burner, doesn’t care about you enough… And doesn’t really want to be with you. Nor do they deserve to be with you or in your life. These are people who will give you just enough attention. The bare minimum needed to keep you waiting around and coming back for more. It’s their way of ensuring you’ll still be there when they decide they want more from you, until they retreat again. They will never fully commit. But they do want to keep you around for when they have no one else. Or they need something from you. They either like the attention they get from you… Or maybe it’s just convenient for them to have you on standby… Either way, you should never let anyone treat you that way. Nor should you have people who try to, in your life.
Don’t wait around or beg for anyone
Speaking of, you also shouldn’t let anyone make you wait around or beg for them. And you certainly shouldn’t do it. I mean, we all have done it at one point or another… But all it did was make us feel worse. And it definitely didn’t help us get what we wan’t. So just remind yourself of that and the bitter feeling that follows, the next time you even entertain the thought of doing it again.
Just like with people who put you on the back-burner… People who make you wait or beg for them and their time, also aren’t worthy of you. Nor do they actually care about you. Because if they did, and if they wanted you as well, they would never make you do any of that. And they would never make you doubt, wonder or question their feelings for you, and whether they’re interested in you or not. So don’t ever devalue or lower yourself to the position of waiting or begging, not for anyone.
Don’t apologise for having standards and refusing to settle
One of the things I had to work on most in my single life… Is to stop apologising so much and to stop feeling like I constantly need to say sorry for my mere existence. One of the main things I’ve learned to stop apologising for, is not wanting to settle… And for being picky with who I date and let into my life. It’s not only okay to have standards, it’s also very much required.
When you don’t have standards, you’ll let in anyone who comes your way, no matter how toxic they are. Which will reduce the quality and value of yourself and your life… As well as make you feel bad and sad about both. Anyone who makes you feel like you need to apologise for having standards and refusing to settle… Shouldn’t have a place in your life. The right people, who deserve you, should never even want you to settle, let alone apologise for not doing it.
Don’t let anyone disrupt your peace and tranquillity
One of the things I learned how to cherish most during my journey of embracing myself and my singleness, is the drama-free life. When I was in my teens, and even 20’s… I thrived on the drama, it brought in excitement to the point that I sought it out. Which made my relationships less healthy and more stressful. A relationship shouldn’t strain you to the point where you feel constant pressure and stress. Nor should it constantly be filled with drama, and you certainly shouldn’t need it to add spice to a relationship.
When you take the time to enjoy your singlehood, especially in your 30’s, when you’re more mature… You learn to appreciate and cherish the peacefulness and tranquillity. You learn that it’s not only not boring, but also more liberating and exciting… Because you free up so much energy and time to focus on so many other, better things. If someone dares to disrupt your peace and tranquillity, whether it be a friend, family member or potential partner… Don’t let them, and their drama, in.
Don’t tolerate games and gaslighting
The same as with drama, also with games, when you learn to enjoy and appreciate your singlehood, especially in your 30’s… You no longer want or are willing to tolerate it. Because you come to appreciate the stress-free life… But also no longer find excitement or joy in the chase and games. You’re also so much more mature, and understand that it’s just a waste of time and energy. A real, healthy and mature relationship shouldn’t require any games, and definitely no gaslighting. You shouldn’t ever have to wonder if they’re into you or not. You shouldn’t tolerate them if they’re hot and cold, giving you mixed signals. If they try to blame you, or make you feel faulty or like you are the problem… Then they’re the ones that are the problem.
Don’t make exceptions for anyone
This goes for every single one of the single life rules above, and any other rule you may implement in your life. The right people will respect and accept your rules and won’t ever want you to make exceptions for them. Not if it goes against your values or what you believe in, and especially if it makes you uncomfortable or causes you pain. These rules are put in place to protect yourself, your heart, body, soul and sanity. Anyone who expects or asks you to go against any of it, or doesn’t care enough about the implications… Should be nowhere near you or your life.
When you make exceptions for one person, it may very well lead to you making more exceptions for that person, or the same “exception” for others. Until you no longer have boundaries or rules. When you start making compromises on one thing, or for one person, it will make you more and more lenient. It also showcases and signals to others around you that you’re willing and capable of making these exceptions. So they’ll allow themselves to require it from you, perhaps even demand it. But making just one exception or compromise, no matter who it’s for… Will always leave a leeway for more. Which, eventually, can (and probably will) turn into a large, gaping whole anyone can jump through and manipulate.
In conclusion
You don’t need to know all of your rules right away. It’s something that you will build and get better at with time. Your single period is the best time for trial and error to see what you want and don’t want. What fits and suits you and what doesn’t. Your single life rules should be anything that goes against your values, basic needs or desires. And even more so if it causes you any type of harm, or just makes you feel uncomfortable. These single life rules will also help you maintain a healthier lifestyle, and make it more valuable. As well as building for yourself higher, stronger standards. It will also prevent you from allowing in anymore toxic people and habits. As well as removing any you may already have. Which also means, you’ll be surrounded by better, higher quality people.
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Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.
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